Friday, June 14, 2013

Free Gasoline For Life F-Gallons

Hi my name is Pen O Kio and I am an extraordinary visionary.  I have started a new auto company called Messla.  We are not innovating any technology or greening up carbon emissions like another company that has a similar name to us.
We are offering a unique value proposition to consumers that is heavily subsidized by our misguided and completely corrupt government.  Yes we will sell you our Model T that is actually a standard Ford Fiesta for $45,000.  This is $30,000 over invoice but don’t fret.  The US government and the State of California will give you a total of $10,000 for buying a green small car. 

Then Messla Motors will sell other auto companies zero plutonium emissions credits as our car is plutonium free.  You the buyer don’t get this zero plutonium money.  We at Messla do as it subsidizes our "low" price to you. 
Now for the zinger that will close the deal with you.  Messla Motors will give you free gasoline for as long as you own the vehicle.  If Messla Motors goes bust, I Pen O Kio will personally fork out the dough for your free gasoline until either of us expire whichever comes first.

The department of entropy (DOE) has devised a new cost for your F-gallons (free gallons) that show you pay $0 per gallon for your F-gallons versus the common motorist having to fork over $3.61 a gallon at the pump.  Yes zero cost of fuel for as long as you own the car!
Yeah by taking your money upfront and fibbing that you are saving the planet plutonium emissions your cost of gasoline is zero.  This is far better than the $1.22 per gallon for electricity you would pay by filling up my competitor's Tesla with electrons some of which are nuclear derived with plutonium waste.  Our fuel cost is lower and we have no plutonium emissions. Take that Tesla your dirty little secret is out.

Dr. Moniz at the DOE is fully on board, and soon the DOE will issue a national alert via the good doctor’s Facebook page that F-gallons are free and it is stupid for you all to pay $15,000 for a Ford Fiesta and buy gasoline at pump at prevailing prices when he and governor moonbeam will give you $10,000 toward your $45,000 Fiesta with free gasoline for life. President Obama loves the idea as it will create thousands of those “good manufacturing jobs” he so often promised. And to boot there are no plutonium emissions.

We at Messla Motors will pocket $13,000 per vehicle on top of the $45,000 you pay from the zero plutonium credits other auto companies are forced to pay us via clever legislation enacted in the once golden state.  This way we will show a quarterly profit and our stock will zoom over $100.  The New York Times will call me a visionary who brought plutonium free driving to the  masses. 

I have no worries that in 2016 my competitor Tesla will sell the people’s EV for $30,000.  I will eat my ten gallon hat filled with mid grade if this happens.  Simply my business plan is about making hay not PV electricity while the sun shines.  

Don’t think I am trying to screw you.  I care for the planet and want to make sure all of us drive zero plutonium emissions vehicles for the highest price that are subsidized by government and then promoted with the add on of zero cost fuel for life personally guaranteed by me the founder of Pay Through Your Nose, Pal.

Don’t worry soon the only icebergs left will be lettuces but I have a plan how to sell salads to the first people of Artic Canada.  Welcome to America and have a nice day.

1 comment:

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