Saturday, April 7, 2012

Fantasy Island




News Flash Fisker Threatens the US


Has the Green Machine gone nuts? How can Al Gore’s wonder child threaten the United States? This car company has sold 500 cars in total to the rich and famous. They received over $180 million of US funding to “engineer” their Karma that weighs over 5,000 pounds. They were to receive over $500 million of US DOE funding for the factory to mass produce their second generation “affordable” car in Delaware, but that funding has been put on hold pending review of their “business plan”. Of course Al Gore’s group at Kleiner Perkins had to up their equity investment in the Flopping Fisker and now that this round of equity funding has been completed Fisker is now Frisky and full of bravado. Their CEO stated this week that if the US does not fork over the big dough to Fisker they will leave the country. That pile of dough should be used to bake American Pie for us all, but Fisker wants it for their fat cat owners and to subsidize their fat cat customers like Just Born Bieber.





Fisker unveiled the new affordable second car called the Atlantic at the New York Car Show this week and used the opportunity to exert pressure on the US to reinstate the half billion dollar funding for the Delaware assembly facility. The car used to be called the Nina but I guess they realized this was a sister ship to the Pinto and that is not good Karma for their Dogma of a company. Of course I know the Pinto was the Pinta, but I am allowed some poetic license. The Governor of Delaware claims he was caught off guard and that this was the first he heard of the Fisker declaration of war on the country and his state. Of course the Vice President who hails from Delaware, and who engineered the original deal for Fisker and his pal Al, is radio silent. Chu and the President are tight lipped and of course Gore did not personally pull the threatening stunt on the US. They used Tommy LaSorda (Tom the Sordid) their new CEO to raise the issue of vacating the US. "We're going to launch this car with or without the DOE," said Chief Executive Tom LaSorda during a media event ahead of the New York auto show. "We're proceeding where the best cost will be. We're looking for alternative options to the U.S., of course."





Fisker was founded by Henrik Fisker who was recently replaced by Tommy as CEO. Henrik was born in Denmark. William Shakespeare set his longest play and saddest tragedy Hamlet in Denmark. Sadly the modern long tragedy out of Denmark is Fisker. The Atlantic has a BMW internal combustion engine not a Chevy engine that was used in the Karma, so much for the American jobs in that regard. The Atlantic will have a far smaller battery pack than the Karma and therefore it will be limited on the range for electric drive. So this billion dollar wonder is a plug in Prius with a great looking body. I say they should choose a third name for the car using a combination of the first two names. I would call it the Panic and I would rename the Karma the Titanic. Leonardo you went down in the Titanic, played Romeo with Juliet, and your Karma needs a whole new set of A 123 batteries. This is sufficient tragedy so why not star in a comedy as your next film? That comedy can be set in the eco-friendly resort on the island you own off Belize that you plan on developing. I suggest the name of the new film be Fantasy Island. Maybe Fisker can assemble their eco-friendly Atlantic on this Atlantic Fantasy Island? Do you all remember Ricardo’s TV ads for the 1975 Chrysler Cordoba? Do you all know that Tommy LaSorda led Chrysler as its CEO? Do you all know Leonardo’s middle name is Wilhelm (German for William)? All of these do you knows can be weaved into the Fantasy Island plot.

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