Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Why do grannies get better MPGs?

I hope there is nobody out there who does not love their granny. I have selected this group of people as the G word of the week because they have the lowest carbon footprint of any age group. Due to their extremely slow driving they achieve far better gas mileage than teenagers. Also I have not seen a Granny driving a Hummer or and Escalade. Grannies in Tiburon tend to drive a baby Mercedes or a compact Lexus. Grannies do not accelerate rapidly nor do they brake suddenly close to the traffic light or the stop sign. In fact it almost takes an expert to identify if a granny is accelerating or braking and that is why cars are equipped with brake lights. Some grannies actually use two feet while driving an automatic vehicle. This is why their brake lights are on even when they pull off from a stop or are driving up a grade. These two footed drivers are ruining the average fuel economy for their age group and should be told that braking while accelerating and accelerating while braking is contrary to Newton’s second law of motion but congruent with his third law of equal and opposite actions and reactions.

Midas Brake Repair should offer an early bird special to Grannies who use both feet as they must need brake pads as often as they need an oil change. Enough of my picking on an age group that is not much more than a decade older than me. The news for Chrysler this past week was that the company would enter Chapter 11 and hopefully be in Chapter 12 within two months. Let’s hope they are not speed readers and turn the pages too quickly to chapter 13. It is a good thing though they missed chapter 7. I wonder what all the other chapters of the bankruptcy code are all about. Maybe we have a copy of the code in the Tiburon library and we could find out if chapter s 3 and 5 are more interesting than chapters 7, 11, and 13 that we always hear about.

I have a suggestion for the Chrysler Fiat combination company that hopefully emerges out of bankruptcy proceedings, why not target Grannies as your primary market segment? You do not need powerful engines to satisfy grannies. Fiat is famous for underpowered vehicles. Fiat is also well known for their style. Grannies are into style and color and I can only wait for the first purple Fiat 500 to drive down Tiburon Boulevard. Grannies can also loan these underpowered vehicles to their teenage grandchildren without fear that the young and the restless will break the land speed record. Jokes aside Fiat will provide Chrysler with small car technology that will offer improved fuel efficiency and that is what the Green Machine is all about. Many years ago when I was a child my Dad owned an auto junk yard in Johannesburg and he had a massive watch dog named Chrysler that roamed the yard. Both my Dad and Chrysler must be looking down from heaven in disbelief that future smaller stature guard dogs in junk yards may get named Fiat.

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